Happy New Year's Everybody! 

Blasts from the past:

The fam... 28 years ago

Me... 27 years ago in all my cross-eyed glory.  You'll never
see me in a hambok again.

With cousins Theo and Miyuki

They all look exactly the same.

At Knott's with Joan, Esther, Pauline, me, and a girl I don't remember.

At the height of fashion in the 80s.  Notice Richard's hot pants.

I missed yet another cousin wedding this past weekend.  It seems that every big event/newsflash regarding family or friends occurs when I'm out of state.  Jane's DTR, Jane's engagement (i think), Jane's wedding, Logan's announcement, Mia's engagement, Mia's wedding, Benjie and Becca's wedding, Gavin's birth, Andy's wedding. 

If anyone's dying to get married, engaged or pregnant, just send me on a trip overseas, and I'm sure something huge will happen.  I was kind of hoping that the "BIG ONE" i.e. earthquake, would happen while I was in Korea... and of course, that no one at home would be hurt... but I guess I won't be able to avoid it. 

My mom sent me an e-mail this past Sunday:

Hi! Esther,  How are you?  I and your father, Joon, Haasnel are all fine. As you know, it was Andy's wedding day yesterday.  It was pretty big party and lot a people came ,even though it was at a church in LA. We left at 1pm and we got the phone call from Joon, he forgot bring the suit(?) and wanted us to go to his apt. and bring it. He was scheduled to take pictures from 1:00pm.  So we did what he want. It was heavy traffic, and we get there almost at 3:00.  anyhow we met lots old friends(?).   bye!    from Mom

If I was in California, it would've been me wasting gas to get richard's suit.

Joyce, these are three of the boots I've bought in Korea.  The first two are $37 each discounted cuz i bought two.  The third, black one is $33 (with current exchange rates).

There are lots more, so if you have a pic of one you like, I can see if they have something similar.

I've been really into Japanese stuff lately i.e. Japanese movies, music.  Japanese stuff is just so much more bearable than Korean stuff.  Korean dramas and music and language and accent make me angry, but when i hear Japanese and Japanese people speaking English, it makes me so happy.  I'm such a racist against my own ethnic people.

I HATE jackass and Borat and all those other shows that relish the pain and humiliation of other people... but MXC is pretty dang awesome.

To end, I've noticed that there have been a plethora of cat pictures, and as a lover of dogs, I feel it my duty to post dog pics:

My mom found this one and clipped it out of a newspaper and hung it on our dining room wall.

There's just something about a row of puppies that make me want to burrow my face into their fur.

hehehe.  That's how I would eat if I was a dog.

August used to run into the vet's office, until she got spayed... after that I would have to drag her in and then she'd always pee in the corner of the room.

I hope his butt hole is clean.

I really hope the Obamas don't choose a hairless dog...

Korea isn't so bad in the fall.  For some reason, the chilly weather makes me happy, so I'm not suffering unduly yet.

I truly HATED booties (not the plural of booty, as in bootylicious, but
booties as in ankle boots).  I think I still hate them, but as I was
walking home from church on Sunday, God blessed me for my piousness and
I glimpsed the cutest pair of booties in the store window of my
favorite shoe shop. 

Not only are they adorable, but they're comfortable too.  I'm thinking
of buying the camel colored pair before I leave for America.  Only $36!

Congratulations to a dear childhood/lifelong friend.  What a fun two weeks eh?!

Strolling through Venice

Four beautiful ladies waiting for the oh-so-yummy food at an Italian restaurant (name forgotten) at the Venetian. 

Jummy bread that is not pictured above, but below in Joyce's mouth!

Prior to this delicious meal and what is now known as "THE BEST WEEKEND
EVER!", I got to spend some wonderful time with two of the three ladies
pictured above.  At least, I think it was the Thursday before Vegas.

At Sushi Gen in J-town, where we saw the BEST EXHIBITS EVER at MOCA at the Geffen.

So you think this is good?  Well, compared to most of what we saw at
MOCA, this child's drawing is the Mona frickin Lisa.  Still, it was fun
to browse what's up and coming in contemporary art, I suppose... 
Actually, just being able to spend time with Una and Skinny Bones was
the treat : )

Afterwards, we headed over to Benjie and Becca's and Gavin's where they graciously provided us with great snacks and BUZZ!

Awww.... Aunt Una with Gavin.

Joyce put together a fabulous accessory ensemble for Mia's big night
out at the BEST SHOW EVER, including a fabulous orange and white tulle
veil with "I do" embroidered all over it.

These two beautiful sisters, in a totally unposed photo) graciously
agreed to buy me a hot dog from Costco, which I had been craving. 
Thanks guys!  I don't think I remembered to pay you for it, so I owe
you a buck-fifty in December.

Getting our mani/pedis at Sara's World of Beauty.  I was sitting next
to Gina while we were getting manicures, and her manicurist kept
talking about how all these people in her family died.  It was kind of
a downer. 

But that didn't stop everyone from having a good time.

Especially after Gina let Susan have a sip of her full-glass of wine and got it back 3/4 empty.

Congrats to the Happy couple!  No, Mia did not wear frosted, white lipstick.  Yummy.... McDonald's soft serve....

Mia looks like a startled rabbit, and Tammy looks like she's hugging a canine.

Speaking of canines...

This is Happy, my cousins' dog.  Isn't he cute?!  He's not the brightest one of the bunch, but for a little yappy dog, he's pretty good-tempered.

Remember this picture?

Sunset on the Zambezi.

I do believe it took us about 1000 tries.  It didn't help that some of our photographers, while eager and willing to be of service, may have had a wee bit too much to drink.  It's a good thing I shaved my armpits that morning.

Exactly 1 week until I come home!!!  This week is ddddddrrrrraaaaggggggiiiinnngggggg!!!!!  I hate living for a future event, but I really want to get out of Korea for awhile.  It's time! 

Just 13 more classes, one private tutor session, one worship service, one lunch with grandparents, 3 more meetings with my trainer, 10 hours on an airplane filled with loud ahjummahs... and then HOME SWEET HOME!

I had nothing in the fridge for lunch today, so I decided to make tuna lettuce wraps.  Except, I haven't been eating any sauces (8 kgs to go if I want to move back home in December), so instead of mayo (which we don't even have), I used a quarter of an $3 avocado to get that creamy consistency, lots of balsamic vinegar, chopped onions, fresh pepper, lemon juice, and crisp lettuce leaves.  It wasn't a marvelous discovery, but it was edible.

Is anyone up for healthy meals (panini caffe, rutabegorz, etc), and daily exercise sessions October 15th-26th? 

I need me some AMERICA!  PLEASE!

Anyone coming to Korea in the near future? 

I am VERY VERY happy, cuz I have finally decided what to do next year. 
For about one month now, I've been stressing out over whether to stay
in Korea and continue working, or to risk refusing the contract
extension and moving back to California. 

This is how I felt for 30 straight days. (I love Ramona)

I've finally decided to move back home.  I don't know if I'm reading
too much into this, but I was reading through Genesis this past month,
and I kept reading about God telling Abraham, etc. to leave their home
and go where God tells them to.  So I kept wondering, is this God's way
of telling me to stay in Korea?  I really really couldn't figure
anything out.  But I had to decide by this afternoon, and I was leaning
towards going home after I spoke with my mom yesterday.  So last night
I continue where I left off in Gensis, and the first line I read is God
telling Jacob to go home:
Genesis 31:3- "Return to the land of your ancestors and to your kindred, and I will be with you."
Genesis 31:13- Now leave this land at once and return to the land of your birth."

Okay, so I realize that this may be just a little coincidence, but I've
been praying for God to guide me and direct in terms of what to do, and
everytime I made a decision, I just couldn't seem to stick by it.  And
then at the 11th hour, the first thing I read is God telling Jacob to
go back to his family and his birthplace.

And I realize that I've really really wanted to come home, but I was
trying (praying) really hard that God would help me accept whatever
decision. 

I guess one of my fears is that when I go home, I'll be unemployed, and
then catastrophe will strike and my family and I will live like the
Joads in the Grapes of Wrath.  But I'm really hoping that maybe God was
telling me that God will be with me, just like with Jacob when he
returned home.  So all will be well right?

So, another reason to leave Korea: melamine spiking from China. 
Apparently, Korea has been affected by the melamine spiking of food
products such as oreos, ritz cheese crackers, all cookies and biscuits
from China.  SCARY!!!! I don't want Kidney stones! although i'm
destined to have them since my dad, uncle, and aunt did.  i couldn't
escape gall stones; i'm certainly not going to escape kidney stones.

AND, scary, but I ate some oreos a couple weeks ago at work.  good
thing i haven't been eating any processed sugar for the last two weeks
though.

toxic toothpaste, melamine laced food, fatal tuna... seriously!  i
don't think i'll ever buy anything from china that goes in my mouth.

see everyone in two weeks!

Since i had the day off, I decided to make chicken soup. I'm super afraid of bird flu and etc., so i'm making sure it's cooked AAAALLLLLL the way. which means i have some time to kill... hence, xanga.

Super healthy, no added sodium, etc. not too bad i guess. i refuse to die of a heart attack before i'm thirty.

life has been tolerable lately. maybe it's cuz i know i'll be going home in exactly one month. and then home again december 15th. if i've communicated with you in the past week, you'll know that i'm contemplating staying another 6 months in korea. i almost decided to stay in seoul this past weekend, but then i talked with some people, thought a lot, got an email from brother which made a lot of sense, and i'm now leaning towards coming home. but i still don't know.

my dad wants me to stay in korea until i become "normal". i.e. not obese. but at this point, i think i've shown that my lifestyle has changed and i don't need to stress too much about that. Anyway, i took jane's advice and decided to make a pro/con list:

Pros (of staying in seoul):
1. Guaranteed job/salary
2. Get to spend more time with family (i LOVE my grandma!)
3. Public transportation
4. No worries over Christmas break
5. I can save up more money
6. 11 hour work weeks
7. What if God wants me to stay?

Cons:
1. Every time I step out of my apartment, I'm full of anger and hatred- especially for the 10,000 guys who blow smoke in my face.
2. I know I don't want to do this as a career, and I'm ready to start something long-term in CA (or teach ESL until I can get a real job) so if I stay, I feel like I'm stuck.
3. I can't readily apply and interview for jobs
4. Very few friends here. None Christian, cept one who lives far away.

2 of like 4 friends that I have... and my students don't count, cuz even tho i meet up with them regularly for fun, it's not the same. there's no connection.

5. Zero spiritual accountability and encouragement
6. I'll be "playing it safe" unless God actually wants me here.
7. Public transportation (I was stuck on the bus right behind this man with the largest, spotted, pulsating, hairy wart on the back of his neck)
8. Pollution is pretty dang bad here
9. I'm not as active, cuz I hate going out into the crowds, and I don't have many friends with whom to go out : )
10. Everything except kimbap is super expensive.
11. The exchange rate kinda blows, so i end up making a lot less than is possible.
12. My mom won't fully retire until I get a real job in CA

Of course all of this is irrelevant if God wants to me stay or go. But my intense desperation to go home makes it hard to hear God. And I told God, just in passing, that I'll ask if I can sign a 6 month contract as opposed to a 12 month contract, and if they said yes, I would stay. so when i decided maybe i should stay, i felt at peace, but then i would get these very frequent stabs of "ARE YOU CRAZY!!!!" Go home and start a career! But then, technically, in situation like that, i'm setting up the conditions, and anyway, i'm just really really stressed out over what to do.

i want to go home and find a job. Hopefully, a university or a museum will hire me within the next year.

anyway, there's this place called cafe sobahn, and it specializes in bibimbap. so every thursday, i meet some friends at the cafe at SNU, and we eat on the terrace overlooking a stream and Gwanak mountain.

I usually get the bibimbap with nine different kinds of veggies. It's quite tasty.

My cousin and I have been killing about 10 mosquitos on average per night. Lucky for me, sucks for my cousin, but all the mosquitos seem to favor her blood. so i didn't have any bites for the longest time. Then I wake up one morning with three itchies. a mosquito got trapped inside my mosquito net and i fell asleep with the parasitic little wretch feasting on my blood. When i woke up and killed the beast:

blood. my blood splurted out of it.

i miss my family. even tho when i'm home i only see brother once a month for like five minutes. i don't think we've taken a family photo in like years and years. this one was from like 3 years ago when my family minus me, all went out to jean georges or george georges, or whatever that one overpriced manhattan, french restaurant is called. of course, when I'M home, and it's MY birthday, MY dad suggests Royal Buffet in Chino Hills. i prefer the two piece el pollo loco meal (breast and wing) with sides of cole slaw and rice, so i can make my own little chicken burritos.
yuuummmm... chicken burritos...

so i'll be home october 15th-27th... and minus wedding stuff, and hopefully job interview stuff, anyone wanna go out on a date with me? : )

kayaking anyone? i really really really wanna go kayaking again.

please someone tell me what to do about korea!!!! i don't want to do something i'll regret... cuz i always do that, and it sucks!

For the past week, I haven't been able to sit still.  I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE! 

I am seriously turning into a hateful person.  According to all my American friends here, anytime you live here, you start to hate everyone and everything between the 1st and 2nd years. 

Robyn and I decided that if we don't get out of here soon, we'll become two of the angriest, bitterest, rudest, most hateful and sullen people on earth. 

Thank GOD for vacations!

To Do list:

1. sleep in my own bed past 6 am
2. eat sour cream
3. chug down a root beer float
4. avoid all things korean
5. never watch an inane tv show where korean celebrities compete in stupid games like running across a stream with a bucket of water on their heads.
-speaking of korean celebrities, can i say just how incredibly sick of them i am?  OVEREXPOSED TO THE 1 GABILLIONTH DEGREE!
6. eat a white peach that costs less than 3 dollars.
7. gorge myself on mexican food
8. hit the beach many many times
9. go to a couple angels games

i am seriously crying here! i need to be out of korea RIGHT NOW!  five months here is just too too too too long!

Thank you mia and kevin for getting married in october so that i dont have to stay in korea for 4 straight months! THANK YOU!!!!!!

The figure at the bottom is mia.

Now that it is over, I will confess that I had a crush on a korean guy : )  No longer, but it was there for a couple of weeks.
aahhhhh... i feel purged of a dirty sin.

i haven't had a crush in a long long time, and i blame the serious dearth of good guys in korea who are not related to me for my indiscretion ie. my crush.

it's been so hot lately that i haven't had much of an appetite, which is quite an astounding occurrence.  i've been drinking cold milk for dinner instead.  which means that when i eat anything else, my body automatically stores it all as fat.  yay. 

So many people keep urging me to stay in korea. my boss told my aunt that I should live in Seoul and make a career as a professor at Seoul National University.  in response, i smile politely, but my gut is shouting "HELL NO!!!!" 

As I learned during my one day as an accountant financial comfort, job security, societal respect... they all mean nothing if i'm miserable.  of course, i might change my tune when i can't find a job in california and i'm an unemployed bum.  but honestly, i don't want to live each day thinking only about the future and the happiness it may or may not bring.  i want a fulfilling, rewarding life now.  as much as i love teaching my awesome students, i don't know if i want to do it for another year.

perhaps i could make the "best of things", just take a deep breath and suck it up and be happy, but maybe a part of growing up is understanding what and where is best for you holistically.  as many of you who have spoken with me in the past few months can attest, i don't think korea is the place for me.  not when i've become such an intense ball of anger.

speaking of students, i had my last book club meeting with my three boys yesterday.  i was SO SAD!  they are just three wonderful, intelligent, kind, polite, and honest, and just greatest guys i've met here!  i teared up when we were saying bye
they're all going to college in the states soon (NYU, Duke, and Northwestern) and i know they'll do great, but i was still a little sad.

so, the books we read together... i liked all of them so much! and if you have some time, i highly recommend all of them!
1. freakonomics
2. moon palace by paul auster
3. the bluest eye by toni morrison
4. the things they carried by tim o'brien
5. the glass menagerie by tennessee williams (i REALLY LOVE THIS PLAY!)
6. Mother Night by Vonnegut
7. beneath the wheel by herman hesse
8. the crucible
9. anthem by ayn rand
10. fahrenheit 451
11. flowers for algernon (ONE OF THE BEST!)
12. the picture of dorian gray  by oscar wilde
13. Night by elie wiesel

PLEASE! someone make time go by really fast so that it'll be monday right now and i'll be boarding a plane to come home! hurry up monday!!!! i'm melting here!!!

Hyundai executive "Chung was found guilty in February last year on charges that he
raised a $100 million slush fund from affiliates. Prosecutors said much
of the money was used to pay lobbyists to gain government favors and
for personal use.

He received a three-year term in the initial district court trial,
but the high court suspended the sentence for five years. The presiding
judge said at the time that Chung was too important for the nation's
economy to go to prison."

I have a tendency to see things in black and white when it comes to
business ethics which is, perhaps, unrealistic, and somewhat
self-righteous considering I have no idea what I would do if given the
opportunity for enormous financial power by bending the rules a bit.
But I think that if I was caught, I would accept my punishment and
understand why it was administered.  Of course, if I could get out of
it, I probably would, but still... 

Every conversation I have with my co-worker Daniel Craig : )

I'm always amazed at how ignorant we Americans are.  We were discussing the Democratic primaries and in his opinion, the 2008 election is the democratic party's to lose.  As much as I hope he's right, I remember reading an article about how people are less racist on surveys, but prejudice often wins out in actual voting.  So, whether it's Obama or Hillary...  Well, Dan recalled an interview he saw with an old American lady who claimed that she couldn't vote for Obama because she "just couldn't trust his Muslim background."

Sad as that story is, I am learning more and more just how lucky I am to be American.  Despite the many, many, many, innumerable faults and shortcomings both present, past, and I'm sure future, there is still so much to be thankful for.  A history which has fostered the embedding of the ideals of freedom and equality into our society (imperfect, but still present); a society which views discrimination as inherently wrong (in theory and not to all of course); and most important to me, it's a place country where there's a place for everyone no matter your background, ethnicity, socio-economic status, beliefs, physical characteristics, etc.  As much as I fight against it at times, America is home for me, and I am becoming alarmingly patriotic during my sojourn in the motherland.

I'm sure it'll all fade once I move back, but the final straw was reading about how a man was convicted of illegal activities, but released because "he's too important for the nation's economy."  Which is tantamount to saying that if you're powerful and important (i.e. rich), you're above the law and in many instances, above ethics as well. 

And of course, it hasn't helped that the current leader of the motherland has been convicted of illegal activities as well, but somehow was elected to the country's highest position. 

And the fact that there are no labor laws against discrimination... 

I was watching a special on Hines Ward and his experience with the Korean community.  He was completely rejected until he became a famous NFL star.  Yes it was touching to see him finally come to terms with his Korean background, and it was nice to see Korea embrace him, but I kept thinking, it's only because he's rich and famous now.  What about all the other hapas?

I'm just getting so tired of this emphasis on being pure-blooded, rich, skinny, pretty, well-educated not for broadening the mind but for financial gains, and I'm up to my eyeballs in dealing with people who 1) smoke in front of me and blow it in my face, 2) flick cigarette butts wherever they are 3) have no concept of waiting in line 4) have no concept of personal space 5) never cover their mouths when they cough or sneeze so that when I'm on the bus and the man behind me sneezes, I feel the force of his germs parting my hair 6) who push you out of the way to get into the subway when you've been waiting longer than they have 7) who say you should be ashamed because you're Korean and can't really speak it well 8) who insist I'm Japanese 9) ride motorcycles on the sidewalks 10) drive as if they own the road/sidewalk/crosswalks and illegally reverse on a main street while I was crossing legally and almost got run over 11) stupid couples who insist on walking side by side at a snail's pace taking up the entire sidewalk 12)  dumb-ass ahjusshis who will go out of their way to walk right into you 13) groups of smoking, soju-soaked young adults clustered in groups on the sidewalks so that you have to walk around them on the street where chances of being run over is 99% 14) wet their hands after using the bathroom for 2 seconds and then pat down their hair 15) keep asking you to help them with their english grammar when they're not your family or friend 16) taxi drivers who cheat you cuz you have an accent 17) store owners who charge you more cuz they think you're a stupid foreigner 18) icky little children who have no concept of indoor voices... or manners of any sort 19) parents who let their children do anything, anywhere cuz discipline would stunt kids' belief that they have potential 20) old women wearing miniskirts and high heels and cakes of make-up and the most godawful gaudy jewelry in an effort to recapture their youth....

i feel better.  gotta go meet a friend for dinner!

my greetings to all, and the disclaimer that as much as i complain, korea really isn't that bad.  technically, i don't have much reason to complain.

I went out to eat with a friend and we shared a bottle of chardonnay.  I only had 4 glasses, and I felt fine, but now I feel really naseous.  I know I wasn't drunk...  so to try to forget my physical woes, I'm updating my xanga.

Just two weeks left for this term! Yay!  Teaching this term has been quite a struggle.  This is the first time I've had to teach two straight terms, and I'm just running out of steam... and ideas.  I feel like all my methods are so tired and boring.  And I feel bad for my students, but whatevers, it's almost over!  Till the summer session which begins again at 7:50am.  Boooo!

I have been presented with a moral quandary at work.  A student requested one-on-one sessions with me through the university, but now she wants to have private lessons with me, bypassing the school altogether.  She'll pay less, and I'll be paid more, but I feel like it's not quite right, and I don't know what to do.  I'm pretty sure my contract doesn't say anything about it, but I'm not a lawyer.  And more than that, it just doesn't feel ethical.  I don't know what to do.

This past wednesday, my level 4 class was going over "she seems annoyed" and "he looks angry" grammar stuff, and so I had a bunch of powerpoint slides of photos where my students had to come up with a "seems/looks" statement and then a story as to why.  One of my photos was this one:

This class consists of 2 medical students, 2 dental students, 1 doctor, 1 medical professor, 2 public health researcher people.  None of my students were familiar with this pic, but of course, the first thing one of my students says is: "notice the swelling of her throat?  It's actually a swelling of the thyroid gland, also known as a goiter, which occurs due to a lack of iodine.  It's a sign of malnutrition.  So she seems worried, hungry, and poor."  Yeah......  I just moved on to the next slide.

I tutor these two kids who I first taught out of obligation to family friends, but then as I got to know them, I really really like them!  The 9th grader is just this awesome girl.  I really dislike kids as a collective, but individually, they're alright.  Well, last saturday we watched an episode of the Simpsons together in order to talk about Freytag's pyramid crap thing.  When she was explaining the plot to me, she kept referring to a "bark" and a "homo" and it took me awhiles, but then I slapped my head and exclaimed, "OH! You mean BarT and HomER!" 
One of the BEST simpsons episodes EVER

I do have a question to put to literary folk, if you have the time.  I've been doing a book club with some 19 year old boys, and so far we've read "The Bluest Eye", "Things Fall Apart", "The Crucible", "The Things They Carried", "Moon Palace", and "Freakonomics" (you're supposed to underline or italicize books right?) anyway, does anyone have any other suggestions for what we can read together?  short would be best, but anything good would be better : ) they really want to read books that present a perspective that they're not familiar with. 

oh I feel so sick.  peace out.

Anyone interested in meeting me in Hawaii on my flight back home in december? Round December 15th-20th?